Archive for June, 2013


Dear Lili,

Sitting here now I can hardly believe that it was 15 years ago when I first saw your sweet face, still now the happiest moment of my life. I would trade everything I have now to be in that moment again.

Every day I wake up and wonder if this will be the day you seek me out again — I wait for the day when you and I can be father and daughter once again. I want to be a part of your life again, but not until you are ready, not until you want me to be. 

We used to be so close, and now I don’t know anything about you. You’re my only child, and yet I am a stranger to you, and this breaks my heart in a way you can never imagine. But I know what happened to us is not your fault, and if you ever want to be close to your Dad once again, you will find me waiting here for you with open arms. You were a part of my life then, and you are a part of my life still. Someday when you have kids of your own you will understand the love a parent feels for a child.

Since I can’t give you a birthday present in person anymore, or even by mail, this is the only thing I can give you this day. It is the theme music from the movie Nuovo Cinema Paradiso. I played this music a lot when you first came back from the hospital as a little baby, and it will always remind me of you. It makes me cry every time I hear it, but it makes me feel closer to you somehow, so the tears are okay, I guess.



I hope you are well and happy.

You are now, have always been, and always will be in my heart.

Happy Birthday, Bubby.

Love forever,




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Dear Lili,

I hope for some word for you every day, but on Father’s Day above all others. You only ever have one father in your life, and that would be me. I will always be here for you if ever you need me, or even if you just want to get to know again who I really am. I hope you have fond memories of the times we shared together, as I most certainly do.

Love always and forever,

Your Dad 🙂

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I know I say it all the time, but it’s true. I carry you with me everywhere I go. You are always in my heart, Lili

Love always and forever,



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