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Baby Blue

Dear Lili, 

I always wonder what I could have done to change the fate we now share. Was there something I could have said, some action I could have taken to keep you in my life. I know the answer is no, that I did everything I could to fight for you and to continue to be your father. So it’s not a rational thought, but one driven by emotion — emotion that supersedes logic and reason. 

Did I leave it too long? Can I ever hope now to undo the damage that has been done? I guess I’ll never know until we are reunited, if that ever comes to pass. In the meantime, like any father, I’l continue to question whether or not I could have prevented this sad sate of affairs from coming to pass. And even though my mind tells me I could not, my heart still suggests otherwise.

Love always, 

Dad ❤



 

Variations of daughter’s name, in English and Japanese:

Liliana Del Vecchio

Del Vecchio Liliana

Liliana Iseya

Iseya Liliana

リリアナ デル ヴェッキオ

理々亜奈 デルヴェキオ

デル ヴェッキオ リリアナ

デルヴェキオ 理々亜奈

伊勢谷 理々亜奈

理々亜奈 伊勢谷

伊勢谷 リリアナ

リリアナ 伊勢谷

 

 

Dear Lili,

Sorry for wishing you a late Happy New Year. As I told you in the previous post, I’ve had to have a couple of surgeries over the past two months. They were kind of difficult, but both were very successful and I’m home now recuperating.

I’m hoping that 2019 is the year when you and I can be reunited as father and daughter. I don’t know where you live now, but you can still find me in the apartment where you took your first bath, and took your first steps, and spoke your first words. My door is always open to you if you ever find your way back here.

Until then, I’ll be thinking of you every day as I always do, and await your return to this side of your family.

You are always in my heart!

Love always,

Daddy

Howe Caverns, New York August 2003

***

A few more of my favorite pics of us together!

Disney World, Orlando, Florida March 2003


Niagara Falls, New York, August 2003

Christmas 2003 at home

***

November 18, 2018

Dear Lili,

I hardly know how to begin this post, but begin I must. Things are, well, uncertain in my life right now.

A week ago Tuesday a tumor was discovered in my bladder. I don’t know how bad it is or is not yet, but I’m scheduled for surgery tomorrow to find out more. I didn’t ever want to have to write this kind of news to you, but there it is. The doctor seems very positive, and in fact, the cancer has not spread to other organs, so that much is good news. So I’m keeping a positive mind, and praying for the best.

In any case, whatever happens, please know that I never abandoned you. Know that I fought hard to be a part of your life, and that I wish I could have been a part of it growing up. But that was not to be.

Know that I love you with all my heart, and that no matter what happens, know that your father loves you without reservation, and that if the chance does come to us someday, my arms are always open to you.

If you do read this blog, I’ll be at the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Hospital in Nakano-ku, Room 846 until November 23. I would love to see you again, now more than ever.

You are now and always have been in my heart.

Love always,

Daddy ❤ ❤ ❤

Me, your Uncle David, and Nonnie and Poppie circa 1962

***

 

Update: Nov. 21. 2018

Looks like my surgery went very well, Lili. I’ll be leaving the hospital tomorrow, on Nov. 22. I’m going to need a second surgery in December, but my prognosis looks very good indeed. Your Dad is pretty tough, and I’m going to beat this thing so someday, I hope, I can see my sweet daughter again and tell her how much I’ve missed her and how much I love her!

Your Cousins


Ariel

Athene

In Nikko, August 7, 2018

 

Dear Lili,

I don’t know if you’re reading this blog or not. I like to think that maybe you are, and that you’re just trying to decide what to make of it (and me). After all, I guess you don’t really know me as you once did.

You should know that several of your cousins have been trying to get in touch with you. I can’t tell you now why they haven’t been able to do so for legal reasons, but if you want to know that truth of what’s been happening, I’ll be more than happy to explain things to you.

Just know that your American family has not abandoned you. We’re all still hopping to one day be a part of your life.

Love always,

Your Dad

Dear Lili,

I can hardly believe that it was 20 years ago this evening that I was sitting in the waiting room at Keio Hospital awaiting your birth. How is it possible that today, you are no longer a child, but an adult? And me? I’m a 60-year-old man now, planning my retirement.

I wish I could have watched you grow up all these years. I wish I could have taught you how to ride a bicycle, and taken you camping in the mountains, and seen you graduate from junior high school, and comfort you the first time some boy broke your heart. I wish I could have done a lot of things, but that was not to be. The reason why I guess you’ll come to understand in time now that you’ve become an adult.

But for now, my only hope is that you will believe that I would have been a part of your life if I could have, and that I tried with everything I could to be a part of your life. Your father never walked away from you. I am still here, and I’m still waiting for you after all of these years to pick up the phone and call, to send me an email, or to knock on my door.

And for now, I will keep posting notes in this blog, like messages in bottles that I cast out onto the tides in hopes that one day they will reach you, and one day you will know that your father never forgot about you, and that the father you once knew and loved is still the same, and that for him, his love for you has never changed.

Happy 20th Birthday, Sweetheart.

You are always in my heart!

Love always,

Your Dad

P.S. Here’s the only gift I can give you now — a song.

 


.

 

(Updated April 5, 2018)

Our-family-tree

Dear Lili,

I’ve been working on genealogy research for quite a long time now. Through my own investigations, interviews with family members, and lucky connections with distant relatives who provided me with a lot of new information, I have been able to put together a fairly extensive family tree for our family. I can trace our ancestors back, in my case 12 generations and in your case 13 generations. As of April 5, 2018, I’ve learned that our oldest known ancestors are a couple from Sweden named Olof Aegidius Laurenti Giers born in 1583 and Ebba Gyllenax born in 1584! 

I’m attaching your ancestor chart, in PDF and png formats, which I will update periodically when I get new information. (You can enlarge this chart in both formats to read it more easily.) This chart will give you a pretty good idea of who you are and where you came from. There’s a lot more detailed information that I have about your ancestors, but for now, this is a good start!

Love always,

Your Dad

Ancestor Chart Liliana Del Vecchio