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Reuniting with Your Child – A Primer

By William Higgins

 

This primer contains steps, methods and options to help reunite you with your child. This is not an official playbook as each case is different.

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1.     Gather all the information you can about your kids and (ex) spouse. Collect it in a central location and begin a binder or dossier. Include SSN, copies of passports, pictures, court orders, marriage and birth certificates, all paper work including divorce and any signed agreements. This becomes important so that you have a binder or file set to refer to during all contact with those who can assist you. Catalog all calls and contact with officials. Write down ALL the names and titles of officials you speak to.

 

2.     Try and reach the abducting parent through friends and relatives. Do not be angry or aggressive in speech or tone when speaking to them or in emails; keep your tone matter of fact. Often the parents bait each other in anger and this causes confusion and removes the focus from the child.

 

3.     Reach out and talk to other parents in the same circumstance. There are many parents willing to talk and share their experiences and methods with those in need of guidance and assistance. Use Google search to find others and organizations willing to assist you. However think before to share your info. Be comfortable with those whom you choose to share your details with. WARNING: Be certain you trust those you chose to confide in.

 

4.     Do not leave interpretation of your case to the authorities, be clear and articulate the facts of your case concisely and factually. Do not create false accounts as they will be revealed in time and your credibility diminished. This is a federal offense and it is the responsibility of the FBI to investigate parental kidnapping and flight to avoid prosecution.

 

5.     Do not take the law into your own hands: Do not act irrationally or impulsively, like hiring ex-military or “recovery services” to re-abduct your child. Consider the many points of failure here; trauma for your child, no guarantee of success, potential to be arrested and detailed, lessens the reality of a true legal resolution.  You will be judged and placed in the same category as the abducting parent and judged equally and you may face a foreign justice system.

 

6.     Call police: Call or show up at your local police station and file missing persons report. If you have custody, you can file custodial interference complaint. You must be adamant and persistent during these interactions. Do not be surprised if officials are not eager to hear your story or provide you assistance.  Many police officers are not familiar with parental child abduction and view is as a simple domestic matter. If uniform officers will not help go to detectives or the domestic violence officer. Push to get paperwork filed. Do not leave the police station without filing a charge/report.  You should open up a missing person’s case and an abduction case.  Have relevant documents and pictures of your kids and the abductor available.

 

7.     Call the U.S. Department of State Office of Children’s Issues to have a case opened and speak to a consular official. Provide all details and info. Arrange to follow up on a predetermined timetable, keep your issue on the radar. These offices are here to help you but you must drive your issue. Don’t rely on others to have the same concern and investment as you do. http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/abduction_580.html

 

8.     Request a welfare and whereabouts visit, this is a way for the state dept, on your behalf, to report on the child’s health and well-being. This can also be a stimulus to bring parties to the negotiating table. In most cases a visit must be agreed to by the abducting parent, and may create additional fear and distrust. Consult the office of children issues for all options available to you.

 

9.     Call the center for missing and exploited children open a case and discuss the options available to you. http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US

 

10.  Call the FBI, http://www.fbi.gov/contact/fo/fo.htm and insist to speak to someone immediately. Be sure to mention any court decisions or restraining orders as this may expedite your case. If it’s clear the law has been broken, the authorities are required to act. Arrange to have face to face meeting at local FBI office to present documents and facts. Keep your issue on the radar with your effort.

 

11.  INTERPOL Ask the FBI to reach out to Interpol to create a ‘red notice’ for the abductor and a ‘yellow notice’ for your children if you case has a strong legal foundation these notices require FBI warrants. FBI warrants are only issued when the facts of the case are based entirely on a legal foundation. Demands for a warrant with proper supporting evidence are not possible. This is very important. This option requires clear legal foundation.

 

12.  File custody papers in family court stating the abduction. This allows for jurisdiction to be determined. UCCJEA: Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. http://www.justice.gov/usao/eousa/foia_reading_room/usam/title9/crm01034.htm

http://www.amber-net.org/Statutes/federal.pdf

http://kidnapping.uslegal.com/kidnapping-by-parents/uniform-child-custody-jurisdiction-and-enforcement-act/ Ask for temporary or emergency ex-parte custody based on the abduction as you believe your child is now in danger and all contact has been severed as well as a criminal act having been committed. At this point this is where hiring a lawyer may help.

 

13.  Hire a Lawyer. You may want to consider whether hiring a lawyer at this stage in productive. It can be huge a waste of money at the initial stage  as many lawyers make unrealistic promises and suggest they will affect the return of your child through some legal means. You will be paying for nothing tangible unless you are actually in negations with the other party. The laws in Japan are not the same as the U.S. in fact engaging in a Japanese legal arena is a losing battle due to Japan’s family law system. If possible try not to engage in a foreign countries system of law as the U.S. govt cannot reverse foreign court rulings. If a foreigner engages in a foreign court system he/she will at the very best be totally disadvantaged due to language, customs and legal systems.

 

14.  Lawyers. Ask questions. Make sure the lawyer you are thinking of retaining has the capacity to deal with this on an international level. More time and money is spent on educating many lawyers, litigators and judges on this issue than actual progress on your case. Find out what a lawyer can do, interview a few, and get a sense of their ability and conviction. Lawyers bill for time, don’t waste time and money with promises. Anyone that promises the return of your child at this point though litigation or subpoena is not being honest or realistic.

 

15.  Call the District Attorney’s Office of your locality and discuss coming in and having someone review your case. If the DA is unwilling to have you come in, contact the special prosecutor’s office and request a meeting.

 

16.  Contact your congressman, and any state, local or regional official you can find.  It is important to get in contact your Senators and Congressman to let them know what you are going through and follow up with regular calls to their offices. Often in these “delicate diplomatic matters” congressional pressure is the best way to get other government entities to provide support and attention to this (your) issue. Politicos can be extremely valuable for international child abductions in exerting pressure on foreign governments.

 

17.   To find your congressman http://www.yourcongressyourhealth.org/?gclid=CNjd4bKx46ACFdtd2god3wdEXw

 

18.  Consider hiring a private detective. This can be a valuable resource in locating your child. Provide as much info as possible, but also ask for references and feel comfortable with him and understand exactly what the expectations are including timeframe, deliverables and price.

 

19.   Build a website, include synopsis of the abduction, this is the global appeal to the taking parent and others to act in the best interests of your child. Include pictures, stories and contact info. Do not attack the other parent. Focus on the child. To create easy professional site: http://www.vistaprint.com/vp/welcomeback.aspx?xnav=welcome&rd=2

 

20.  Contact media, local media, newspapers etc. Plead your case. This is where that stored up emotion is released and best used to convey your message. Plead to the friends and family of the abducting parent and others to return child or negotiate solution. Media attention can also be used as a demand for the authorities act. Do not attack abductor, U.S. govt or those trying to help you. Think about how you will create genuine sympathy. Do not create false claims or accounts of events. If you decide to approach media make sure you are presenting your case honestly.

 

 

Consider this:

Is the anger toward the taking parent stronger than the love for your child? You have to make a decision. What do you want to accomplish? And how do your actions (past and present) affect your children? Take responsibility for your choices, words and actions.

 

GOOD ADVICE

 

• Research. Do your homework, log onto State Dept, FBI, Center for missing children’s website and Google keywords like parental abduction, abduction Japan, Etc… It’s important you get as much info as possible in order to make valid choices and proceed effectively. THINK. The only way you will be able to deal with this and be successful is if you understand the options and comprehend the information available to you. Do not rely on others at face value. Check facts research, get involved. This is your child. THINK, RESEARCH, ACT.

 

 

• Write down what led up to this abduction. Be as specific as you need to, this can be shared or not but it’s on paper to refer to. When you refer to the child: It’s not my child, it’s our child. This shows the commitment and willingness to resolve and it also focuses on the child as a person not a belonging. Do not engage in the same selfish behavior as the abducting parent.  This is not about revenge or retaliation it’s about the return or access to your child.

 

 

• Be careful, as in any tragedy, there are predators that will attempt to take advantage of you financially, emotionally or through the media to advance others lost causes. These potential parasites include lawyers, private eyes, organizations for a cause and other parents. Trust your instincts and ask yourself and others questions and be clear on peoples motives for helping you.

 

 

• The best method, obviously, is to try and appeal to the taking parent directly or through friends and family, this is the best most productive route however if this option is not available to you. Proceed with the steps above if you are confident these are your only options. Only you know the facts of your case and are in the best position to act in the best interests of your child.

 

• Ask yourself this question: how important is my child to me, after you answer you will know exactly how to proceed.