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Merry Christmas 2014, Lili!!!

Posted in For My Princess Lili on December 25, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Christmas 2014

Dear Lili,

Merry Christmas, Sweetheart! I hope you’re having a happy time.

I think about you a lot at Christmas time. Every year I put up prints of the drawings you made, and it make me feel a little bit like you’re here. Of course, you’re always with me in my heart.

I put up the Christmas tree every year. I bought some new LED lights and it looks really beautiful this year. I hope you come to see it one day and spend a few days at Christmastime with your Dad like we used to do. It was always a special time of year for us.

I often think of the happy times we shared, like how you used to ride on my shoulders, which you called “ride on top.”

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Missing you most at Christmas, and hoping for the day when we no longer have to be separated at this time of year…

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Love always and forever,

Your Loving Dad ❤ ❤ ❤

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Ashokan Farewell

Posted in For My Princess Lili, Songs for Lili on December 23, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Ashokan Farewell:

http://youtu.be/2kZASM8OX7s

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Dear Lili,

This is kind of a sad song, I guess. It makes me think of the last time I saw your face nearly ten years ago now. Your grandmother had just passed away, and I was allowed 30 minutes in the train station in the coffee shop to tell you the news. As you walked away, I never realized at the time that it would be the last I’d see you for all these many years. What might I have said to you had I known, I cannot say.

Anyway, here is the song called Ashokan Farewell, performed by Jay Unger and the Molly Mason Family Band.

Missing you always.

Love forever,

Daddy ❤ ❤ ❤

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Niagara Falls and Crow Dog’s Paradise

Posted in For My Princess Lili, Songs for Lili on September 18, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Dear Lili,

Here’s another song for you called Crow Dog’s Paradise. It is on that CD we bought when we visited Niagara Falls together in August of 2003.

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We listened to this CD — Hearts, Hands & Hides — a lot in the car, and you liked it as much as I did.

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And the songs will always remind me of that last vacation you and I took together. It never fails to make me cry a little bit for all the good times we could have had together, but couldn’t. Know always that I wanted to be there for you, but, well, “things” got in the way.

Love always,

Your Dad

Here’s the song. No English words, but it still says so many things to me.

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Fire and Rain

Posted in For My Princess Lili, Songs for Lili on September 16, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Dear Lili,

Sometimes I just can’t find the words to say to tell you how much I miss you. Just the other day was the tenth “anniversary” of the last time we spent a weekend together, visiting Kasai Rinkai Koen.

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I just don’t know where the time has gone. So many of the other left-behind parents I know have now reconnected with their kid(s), but for us, I guess our time just hasn’t come yet. I want to reach out to you, but I’m afraid that doing so would drive you even further away, so I wait. I wait for you to come back to me, as I have been these long years.

Here’s a song that was really famous when I was a kid about a man who, like me, never thought the person they loved would be lost to him. It’s called “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor, and it says what I feel sometimes when I think of you and me and all the happy times we once spent together. I miss you more than words can say, and I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you should you ever want to be a part of my life again.

Until then, as I’ve said many times before, “You are always in my heart.”

Love forever,

Your Dad XXXOOO

James Taylor Fire and Rain

Fire and Rain, by James Taylor

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Happy Sweet Sixteenth Birthday, Lili

Posted in For My Princess Lili, Songs for Lili on June 29, 2014| Leave a Comment »

June 30, 2014

Dear Lili,

Happy Sweet Sixteenth Birthday, Sweetheart. As always, I wish I were there to share your birthday with you! I can only imagine what a lovely young lady you have become. I can hardly believe you’re 16 years old already. Where has all the time gone? It seems like only yesterday when I held you in my arms at Keio University Hospital way back in 1998 and welcomed you into the world as your Daddy.

No matter how many years pass, though, my Daddy’s love for you will never change. You will always be my darling princess, and now, I guess, my teenage queen.

I’d love to send you a present for your birthday, but since I can’t do that, I’ll have to give you a present this way. Here’s a really old Rock ‘n’ Roll song that you might like that celebrates this very special day for you. It’s called “Sixteen Candles” by The Crests.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoOuTSBAWWA

THE CRESTS

“Sixteen Candles”

by Luther Dixon and Allyson Khen

Happy birthday, happy birthday, baby 

Oh, I love you so

Sixteen candles make a lovely light 

But not as bright as your eyes tonight 

(As your eyes tonight, oh) 

Blow out the candles 

Make your wish come true 

For I’ll be wishing that you love me, too 

(That you love me, too)

You’re only sixteen (sixteen) 

But you’re my teenage queen 

(You’re my queen) 

You’re the prettiest 

Loveliest girl I’ve ever seen 

(I’ve ever seen, oh)

Sixteen candles in my heart will glow 

For ever and ever for I love you so 

(For I love you so)

You’re only sixteen (sixteen) 

But you’re my teenage queen 

(You’re my queen) 

Oh, you’re the prettiest 

Loveliest girl I’ve ever seen 

(I’ve ever seen, oh)

Sixteen candles in my heart will glow 

For ever and ever for I love you so 

(For I love you so) 

For I love you so.

Anyway, I hope you like it. It’s not much, i know, but it’s all I have to give you now.

My door is always open for you. You don’t have to call or write — just knock on my door and come back to your first home and spend some time with you Dad if you want to. Anytime.

You are always in my heart.

Happy Birthday, Bubby.

Love and Kisses,

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Daddy 🙂 ❤

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Merry Christmas 2013, Lili-chan!

Posted in For My Princess Lili on December 24, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Dear Lili,

It’s hard to believe that ten years have passed already since our last Christmas together. I try hard not to think about how much time has passed, but it’s difficult sometimes. Christmas was always such a special time for us, and this day always makes me think about you in a way that is different from all the rest of the year.

Here are some pictures of that last Christmas in 2003. These are memories I cherish in my heart, and which give me the strength to wait until the day when you may want to be a part of my life again. Until then, know that I have never forgotten about you, and that you always were, and always will be, the most precious thing in the world to me.

Merry Christmas, little one.

Love always and forever,

Your Dad XOXOXOXOXOXOX

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Your Dad misses you, Lili!

Posted in For My Princess Lili on November 25, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Dear Lili,

You’re my only child, and I miss you every day. Someday, when you become a parent yourself, you will understand the depths to which a parent loves a child. It is the strongest bond in the world, and nothing, not time nor distance, can ever affect that. Were you to show up at my door tomorrow you would find that nothing has changed, and that I am the same guy you used to know, the same guy you laughed and played with, the same guy you loved as a little girl.

Love always and forever,

Daddy 🙂 XXXOOO

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I love you, Lili!

Posted in Favorite Sayings, For My Princess Lili on November 19, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I really do. Believe that. Remember.

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Once Were Daddies

Posted in For My Princess Lili on September 24, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Undo-kai 6/14/03

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Once Were Daddies

When precious memories are but visions that ensnare,

When the hope we embrace leads to naught but despair,

When peace and deliverance are so many castles in the air,

When playgrounds and old baby shoes are the crosses that we bear.

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Happy 15th Birthday, Lili!

Posted in For My Princess Lili on June 30, 2013| 2 Comments »

Dear Lili,

Sitting here now I can hardly believe that it was 15 years ago when I first saw your sweet face, still now the happiest moment of my life. I would trade everything I have now to be in that moment again.

Every day I wake up and wonder if this will be the day you seek me out again — I wait for the day when you and I can be father and daughter once again. I want to be a part of your life again, but not until you are ready, not until you want me to be.

We used to be so close, and now I don’t know anything about you. You’re my only child, and yet I am a stranger to you, and this breaks my heart in a way you can never imagine. But I know what happened to us is not your fault, and if you ever want to be close to your Dad once again, you will find me waiting here for you with open arms. You were a part of my life then, and you are a part of my life still. Someday when you have kids of your own you will understand the love a parent feels for a child.

Since I can’t give you a birthday present in person anymore, or even by mail, this is the only thing I can give you this day. It is the theme music from the movie Nuovo Cinema Paradiso. I played this music a lot when you first came back from the hospital as a little baby, and it will always remind me of you. It makes me cry every time I hear it, but it makes me feel closer to you somehow, so the tears are okay, I guess.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz_0YIdLNlc