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Ueno Zoo April 19, 2003

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A little late, but Happy Valentine’s Day, Buppy.

You are always in my heart.

Love,

Dad

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Dear Lili,

Well, another year has come and gone. And yet we remain apart. I guess you know that I found you on Facebook and was heartened to see that you had grown up to be a strong, beautiful, and higly-intelligent woman. I guess you also got the message I sent on Messenger. Sadly, you have disappeared from me again, and my heart cries out in sadness over this new, unexpected loss. I’m very happy now with my life — I have a wonderful, supportive wife and by extension a whole new family complete with four beautiful grandchildren. And yet, there will always be an emptiness inside — the void that exists because my onbly child is gone from me, the child that I cherished and with whom I laughed and loved and made beautiful memories. This time of year is especially tough for me, as it was always a special tiome for me and you. I miss you so much I cannot say. And my only wish for Christmas — as it has been since we parted and will be until we may meet again — is to be a family again as we once were and should be.
You are always in my heart.
Love,
Dad

P.S. I heard this piece in the movie “Maestro” for the first time, and somehow it made me think of you. It made me cry, that’s for sure.

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“The past can haunt a man. That’s what they say. But the past is just a series of moments, each one perfect, complete. A bead on the necklace of time.  The past doesn’t haunt us — wouldn’t even recognize us. If there are ghosts to be found, it’s us who haunt the past. We haunt it so we can look again, see the people we miss and the things we missed about them.”

— Reminiscence

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You will always be my daughter, no matter what others may have told you.
Love always,
Your Dad

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Lili’s 1st Birthday

Dear Lili,

So hard to believe that it was 25 years ago today that you came into this world and changed my life forever. My only wish today is that I could say happy birthday to you face to face. 

You’ll never know, perhaps, what effect the loss of my precious daughter had on me. I think of you every day, and on this day especially, I cry those tears that never end. You will always be a part of me, and until the day that I leave this Earth, I pray every day that someday, somehow, you will come to the realization that I am not the man you have been led to believe I am, and that I am  instead the man you once loved evey bit as much as I loved you then, and still love now without abatement.

Until then, “Dum spiro spreo”.

You are always in my heart.

Love, 

Daddy

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Hard to believe I started this blog 12 years ago, in the hopes that someday you would see it and someday reach out to me and find out who your real father is — really is — and not the person others have portrayed me to be. I still hold out hope that that someday will come to pass, despite the years of disappointment that have intervened between when I started this and now. A father’s love is forever, and I will never stop hoping to be reunited with you, not until my dying day.

I love you with all my heart, Lili. That is the essential truth.

You are always in my heart. You always have been and ever shall be.

Your One and Only Dad

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My Ex-Wife Bad-Mouths Me to Our Boys. Can I Tell Them the Truth About Her? – The New York Times

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Cuteness overload!!!

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