“One side of the story is not the whole story. In fact, it’s rarely even half of the story.”

— Tony Del Vecchio


Brokedown Palace (Grateful Dead)

Fare you well my honey
Fare you well my only true one
All the birds that were singing
Have flown except you alone

Going to leave this broke-down palace
On my hands and my knees I will roll, roll, roll
Make myself a bed by the waterside
In my time, in my time, I will roll, roll, roll

In a bed, in a bed
By the waterside I will lay my head
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

River gonna take me
Sing me sweet and sleepy
Sing me sweet and sleepy
All the way back back home
It’s a far gone lullaby
Sung many years ago
Mama, mama, many worlds I’ve come
Since I first left home

Going home, going home
By the waterside I will rest my bones
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Going to plant a weeping willow
On the banks green edge it will grow, grow, grow
Sing a lullaby beside the water
Lovers come and go, the river roll, roll, roll

Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

Hi Lili,

I thought you might like to see these pics from some of the different places we’ve been to.

Love always,


Disneyworld March 2003

Howe Caverns August 2003

Toshimaen April 2004

Kasai Rinkai Koen September 2004


Dear Lili,

Happy 21st birthday, sweetheart. As always, I wish I could be there to spend it with you, but that’s not possible now. Someday, I hope, you’ll understand why. Just know that my choice was always to have been a part of your life. If you can just believe that, somehow, someway, that would be the answer to my prayers.

Twenty-one years ago today you came into my life, and I’ll always remember that as the happiest day of my life. And although I can’t give you any gifts today in person, I’ll do the best I can and give you the gift of memories. Here are a bunch of pics from when you born and from shortly after returning from the hospital. I hope you enjoy them.

So until I see you again, you have to know:

You are ALWAYS in my heart.

Love you more than words can say,

Daddy ❤ ❤ ❤



My only kid.



Miss you every day of my life, Lili. 

You are always in my heart.


Daddy ❤

Dear Lili,

Well, it’s been eight years now since I started this blog, hoping that someday you will find it and know how much I care about you, and how much I wanted to be a part of your life. If only I could hear from you the words “Happy Father’s Day” again… if only. In the meantime, all I can do is keep putting these “messages in bottles” so that you may one day understand who your Dad really is.

You are always in my heart ❤️

Love always,

Your Dad 💘👨‍👦💘

P.S. Here’s a picture of me from my 61st birthday.







Dear Lili,

After your mother and I split up, I used to see you on the weekends — until that ended for reasons you will someday understand. I remember dropping you off at Makuhari Station when the weekend was over and sitting on the platform seat with tears in my eyes waiting for the Sobu Line back home, wondering when, or rather if, I’d be able to see you again. 

The very last time I saw you was in that very station in January 2005 when I was allowed to see your briefly to tell you that your grandmother had died. The very last image I have of you is you walking away with your mother and your other grandmother out of the station in this exact place.

I never did see you again after that except for a couple of pictures I received in 2010, some nine years ago now. I stayed far way from your home in Makuhari ever since, for reasons, again, you may come to understand one day. I will only say our separation was not my choice.

I would sometimes pass by Makuhari Station on the Narita Express on the way to the airport. The train travels at a very fast speed past the station, but I nevertheless always strained to look out the window on the remotest of chances that I might catch of glimpse of my only daughter. I never did, of course, but I repeated that ritual every time I passed by even so.

As letters and packages sent to you by your cousins came back “Return to Sender: Address Unknown”, I since learned by checking your old address on Google Street View that the house you used to live in doesn’t exist anymore, and that the area looks completely different. I recalled at that moment that your grandfather had told me that they were eventually going to have to move, that the area was going to be bought out by the government through eminent domain to build a new roadway. I don’t know when that happened, exactly, but it looks to have been done some time ago.

I used to think that at least I knew where you lived, and that I could contact you in case of an emergency or serious situation, as had indeed happened to me recently. But now I’m forced to admit that I know absolutely nothing about you — even your address. Nothing about you, my only child.

So I keep making these blog posts hoping that one day you will find me if you need me, as I no longer can find you through conventional means.

Love always,

Your Dad ❤