Dear Lili,

Sometimes I just don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t know the right words to bring us together again. Maybe there are none. But I’ll never give up on you. Someday, when you are a parent, you’ll understand how I feel.

You are always in my heart. Now and forever.


Your Dad ❤

I don’t know why exactly, but this song reminds me of you and the tender moments we shared when you were young.

You are always in my heart,


From our American Adventure in August 2003.

These birthdays are always bittersweet for me. Memories of the happy times we spent together, and the sadness that we have been separated for so long through decisions beyond our powers.

From our last birthday together when you were six years old

From the moment you were born, I lost my heart to you.

I did my best to care for you. You were everything to me, my purpose in life.

You are now and will always be, forever in my heart.

Love always,

Dad ❤

I remember how much you once loved me, Lili. Even if you don’t. I started this blog ten years ago this day, trying to reach out to you. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but I kept it up all these years in the hopes that someday, somehow, you would find your Dad again and recapture that special bond that we once shared. Whatever you believe now — or have been made to believe — you only ever have one real father in this life. I hope for your sake and mine you one day come to realize that.

Love always,

Your Dad ❤

Unstuck in Time

Kurt Vonnegut

Dear Lili,

My favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut, describes in his book Slaughterhouse-Five becoming “unstuck in time,” in which the protagonist, Billy Pilgrim, finds himself uncontrollably shifting between the past, present, and future. This is the position I find myself in now. To me, you exist as the sweet young girl who loved her Daddy so much, the beautiful young woman you have now become, and the someday parent who understands how a man in my unenviable position in space and time now feels, cut off from his only child despite every intention and effort available to him to reunite with her. And yet, while all of these manifestations of you somehow exist simultaneously, to me none of them do. All of the “yous” that I can remember or imagine are unattainable to me.

It’s all very confusing. I’ve struggled all of these years to understand what happened to you and me — to us — and sometimes I have to just resign myself to the fact that I may never truly understand the strange and unfortunate course our lives have taken.

I wish I could just talk to you, to help you to understand the reality of what took place in my brief marriage to your mother. No doubt, you have heard one version of the events. Someday, I pray, you will seek out my side of the story, to at the very least recall the memories that you yourself have of what my relationship with you really was all about. We used to be so close, and it pains me immeasurably that that bond we once shared has been severed.

You are always in my heart. Always have been. Always will be.



Dear Lili,

As I guess you know, both your Poppie and Nonnie served in the military during World War II. Poppie was in the Army Air Corps (now the Air Force) and rose to the rank fo Major. Nonnie was in the WACs (Women’s Army Corp) and served as First Lieutenant.

Poppie and Nonnie met in England during the war

Poppie with brothers Dick and Val

Poppie is with his outfit on the far right, bottom, kneeling

Many years later, Poppie wrote a bunch of stories about his experience while he was stationed in England during the war. Your Uncle David scanned his book for me, so I want to share it with you.

Poppie’s Vignettes PDF File (Click on the icon after clicking here)

You are always in my heart!


Daddy ❤





Merry Christmas, Lili!

I hope you are well and happy. I think about you every day. A daughter remains forever in her father’s heart, no matter how many years have passed or whatever distance has grown between them.

As always, I wonder what gift I can give you now. And the only thing I know I can do is to post here and share with you memories of times gone by.

2003 was our last Christmas together. We were supposed to spend 10 days together, but a doctor’s appointment was reason enough to shorten our time together to just a couple of days. I had so looked forward to spending more quality time with you, but it was not to be.

Still, we managed to have fun together, and it is a memory I will cherish forever, like all of the other memories I have of you that I hold close to my heart in my “memory box.”

Again, I make my New Year’s wish that this will finally be the year when you and I are reunited.

You are always in my heart.







Dear Lili,

Wow! 22 years old. And here I am, an old man just turned 62. How time flies.

I think about you every day and wonder how you’re doing. And, as always, I hold out hope that one day I will see my beautiful daughter again.

Until then, you are always in my heart.

Love always,

Your Dad 

It occurred to me that you don’t know much about my childhood and younger years. So here is a PowerPoint that I made for my students. (Click on the link and then on the image on the next page.)



Real Courage


Dear Lili,

I knew I was going to lose before I went to family court. I never stood a chance against the Japanese “justice system.” But I fought for you nonetheless. For two and a half years. Just wanted you to know. 

Your Dad ❤