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Dear Lili,

Here’s another song for you called Crow Dog’s Paradise. It is on that CD we bought when we visited Niagara Falls together in August of 2003.

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We listened to this CD — Hearts, Hands & Hides — a lot in the car, and you liked it as much as I did. 

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And the songs will always remind me of that last vacation you and I took together. It never fails to make me cry a little bit for all the good times we could have had together, but couldn’t. Know always that I wanted to be there for you, but, well, “things” got in the way.

Love always,

Your Dad

Here’s the song. No English words, but it still says so many things to me.

http://youtu.be/0ClCyQoEH-I

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Fire and Rain

Dear Lili,

Sometimes I just can’t find the words to say to tell you how much I miss you. Just the other day was the tenth “anniversary” of the last time we spent a weekend together, visiting Kasai Rinkai Koen.

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I just don’t know where the time has gone. So many of the other left-behind parents I know have now reconnected with their kid(s), but for us, I guess our time just hasn’t come yet. I want to reach out to you, but I’m afraid that doing so would drive you even further away, so I wait. I wait for you to come back to me, as I have been these long years.

Here’s a song that was really famous when I was a kid about a man who, like me, never thought the person they loved would be lost to him. It’s called “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor, and it says what I feel sometimes when I think of you and me and all the happy times we once spent together. I miss you more than words can say, and I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you should you ever want to be a part of my life again.

Until then, as I’ve said many times before, “You are always in my heart.”

Love forever,

Your Dad XXXOOO

James Taylor Fire and Rain

Fire and Rain, by James Taylor

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Sweet Sixteen Cake

June 30, 2014

Dear Lili,

Happy Sweet Sixteenth Birthday, Sweetheart. As always, I wish I were there to share your birthday with you! I can only imagine what a lovely young lady you have become. I can hardly believe you’re 16 years old already. Where has all the time gone? It seems like only yesterday when I held you in my arms at Keio University Hospital way back in 1998 and welcomed you into the world as your Daddy.

No matter how many years pass, though, my Daddy’s love for you will never change. You will always be my darling princess, and now, I guess, my teenage queen.

I’d love to send you a present for your birthday, but since I can’t do that, I’ll have to give you a present this way. Here’s a really old Rock ‘n’ Roll song that you might like that celebrates this very special day for you. It’s called “Sixteen Candles” by The Crests.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoOuTSBAWWA

THE CRESTS

“Sixteen Candles”

 by Luther Dixon and Allyson Khen

Happy birthday, happy birthday, baby

Oh, I love you so

Sixteen candles make a lovely light

But not as bright as your eyes tonight

(As your eyes tonight, oh)

Blow out the candles

Make your wish come true

For I’ll be wishing that you love me, too

(That you love me, too)

You’re only sixteen (sixteen)

But you’re my teenage queen

(You’re my queen)

You’re the prettiest

Loveliest girl I’ve ever seen

(I’ve ever seen, oh)

Sixteen candles in my heart will glow

For ever and ever for I love you so

(For I love you so)

You’re only sixteen (sixteen)

But you’re my teenage queen

(You’re my queen)

Oh, you’re the prettiest

Loveliest girl I’ve ever seen

(I’ve ever seen, oh)

Sixteen candles in my heart will glow

For ever and ever for I love you so

(For I love you so)

For I love you so.

 

Anyway, I hope you like it. It’s not much, i know, but it’s all I have to give you now.

My door is always open for you. You don’t have to call or write — just knock on my door and come back to your first home and spend some time with you Dad if you want to. Anytime.

You are always in my heart.

Happy Birthday, Bubby.

Love and Kisses,

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Daddy   :) <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Lili,

It’s hard to believe that ten years have passed already since our last Christmas together. I try hard not to think about how much time has passed, but it’s difficult sometimes. Christmas was always such a special time for us, and this day always makes me think about you in a way that is different from all the rest of the year.

Here are some pictures of that last Christmas in 2003. These are memories I cherish in my heart, and which give me the strength to wait until the day when you may want to be a part of my life again. Until then, know that I have never forgotten about you, and that you always were, and always will be, the most precious thing in the world to me.

Merry Christmas, little one.

Love always and forever,

Your Dad XOXOXOXOXOXOX

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Lili and Daddy - Xmas 2003

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Dear Lili,

You’re my only child, and I miss you every day. Someday, when you become a parent yourself, you will understand the depths to which a parent loves a child. It is the strongest bond in the world, and nothing, not time nor distance, can ever affect that. Were you to show up at my door tomorrow you would find that nothing has changed, and that I am the same guy you used to know, the same guy you laughed and played with, the same guy you loved as a little girl.

Love always and forever,

Daddy :) XXXOOO

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I love you, Lili!

I really do. Believe that. Remember.

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